All We Are
by 4-SweaterVests
Summary: It may not have been the magical moment Theresa Cousland had envisioned, but it turned into something much more meaningful. Fourth story in a series of one-shots based on the Fem!Cousland/Alistair playthrough.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Dragon Age. Bioware does, so please don't sue me. There are a few conversations that are taken directly from the game (and I know that all fangirls will know which ones), but it makes for a better sense of being in character. That and David Gaider and the Bioware writing staff are totally epic. THANK YOU to everyone who read, added, and reviewed my other oneshots in this series. _Amara Wil Fren, EmbersOfAmber, Whiteshade24, Ryoko Metallium, Erykine, Sokka, and clafount -_ Thank you so much for your reviews. It means the world to me! I tried to be as realistic as possible in this chapter, even though I was tempted to do more of a Disneyfied version of romance. I just didn't think it fit in the storyline I have been trying to portray. Hope you all like it! Much love!!**

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_Month: Ferventis, Day 5  
9:30 Dragon_

_I have had little time to write the past few weeks. So much has happened – from a new party member to surprising revelations – that I don't even know where to begin. Nothing is stable about the life that I am leading now, but some things that I have come to count on may be pulled from me when I need them most. There are really only three things that are of utmost importance to me at the moment: stopping the Blight, finding information about Fergus, and my relationship with Alistair. All of them seem to be on shaky ground at the moment._

_The Blight keeps raging on. It seems that every corner we turn, there are darkspawn lurking near. The random encounters during our travels have become much more frequent. The one bright spot is that the party is getting much stronger and more tactical when battling them. The battles are always difficult, but we are slowly gaining a better knowledge of strategy. It is still odd that my companions all look to me for leadership. If I was them, I would be devising a plan for mutiny. They would find little resistance from me._

_Still no sign of the archdemon, but I do not doubt that this is an actual Blight. I can feel it in my bones (well, more accurately, my blood). Even though the dreams have not been as intense as they were right after my Joining, I still feel the non-human aspect that has become my reality. I don't feel humanity slipping away from me or anything like that… but there is a difference. I am a part of something that I deathly fear. I try not to think too far in the future because I am scared of what I will find. It would be hard not to bet on more death and suffering._

_We have traveled across a large extent of Ferelden and I have still heard no word about Fergus. I know that it is a long shot. All I know is that he was supposedly scouting in the Wilds, but that seems like years ago (even though it's only been months). We have not traveled near the Wilds in quite some time, but we may have a reason to soon. It is quite a long story, but Morrigan wants us to travel there to kill her mother. And no… I did not fabricate that fact. My mouth almost hit the ground when she vocalized her wish. I wasn't sure if I wanted to become closer to her that much anymore._

_The whole ordeal started when we were discussing her life as an apostate in the Wilds. She casually brought up the fact that her mother's grimoire had been taken by a few templars and was probably at the Tower. With the rebuilding process hardly underway, she thought it would be easy to pilfer it from the mages. She said that she wanted to learn more about her mother. I felt some empathy for her… thinking that maybe this was a chance for and her mother to bond in some way. It couldn't have been further from the truth of the matter._

_Under the guise of wanting to see how the mages were faring with the reconstruction, we stopped by Lake Calenhad before this current trek to the dwarven land of Orzammar. While Wynne and First Enchanter Irving spoke of the progress that the Tower had made, I casually browsed some of the more off-limits places of the structure. Morrigan was right – the grimoire was in the mages possession. The First Enchanter had it in his own quarters. The act of taking it was easy, but having to look the man in the face knowing what I had done was quite difficult. I rationalized that it didn't belong to the mages in the first place, but still… if Flemeth truly was as powerful as legend states, it might have been best to leave it where it was._

_Morrigan spent a few days pouring over every word. She came to me and said that what she had learned was quite disturbing. Flemeth's essence had survived so long in this mortal world because she would take the physical body of one of her daughters when she was near death. To save Morrigan, Flemeth needed to die… whether that was even possible, no one knows. All Morrigan said was she couldn't be present when the attack occurred. I had yet to discuss this plan with anyone. The only reason I am even considering it, is because it will bring me back to the Wilds. Maybe there will be some trace of Fergus? I need to keep hoping and thinking positive on that front._

_And finally, there is my relationship with Alistair… or maybe I should call him now the prospective new King of Ferelden. That was another jaw-dropping moment… for both of us. When we returned to Redcliffe Castle with the ashes, we were overjoyed to see that we were not too late. Arl Eamon was saved and Alistair's mood heightened even more. Yet as soon as the arl recovered slightly from his comatose state and heard of all that had transpired, he began setting in motion a plan no one was ready for. The Blight was still our major priority, but we also had a duty to Ferelden… or so we were told. That duty includes calling a Landsmeet of all the nobility and challenging Loghain's claim to the throne… with Alistair._

_The man that I was falling in love with was to be king? It was a notion that I could not shake from my mind. Last night, I was on watch duty, but little watching was done. I spent most of the time in the arms of my fellow Grey Warden. Barely any words were spoken – we just held each other. It was obvious that Eamon's proposal was on both of our minds. We were Grey Wardens who should be above titles, but Alistair was being pushed into the highest designation of them all. I knew that was not the only concern – our relationship was at the top of my list. I knew it was selfish, but I didn't want to give him up… not even for the good of Ferelden._

_Alistair and I have avoided the topic of the crown since Eamon's declaration. Like I said, I hate to think of the future because it does not seem to be something I can control. As much as I loathed the position I was given as leader of this endeavor, I was becoming used to it. I would be faced with a decision and need to theorize the possibilities each outcome would present. The choice was then mine… my companions would offer their support or disdain, but never seemed to offer much opposition. Everything was on my shoulders. It was a burden that I hated but was coming to accept. It was the way my existence now worked. Alistair becoming king – not in my power… not even in his power it would seem. That scares me._

"It seems to enjoy writing in that book."

I looked up at the towering golem staring down at me. The armor crystals made the stone figure glow eerily in the moonlight. I smiled up at the party's newest member and nodded my head.

"It's just a journal," I said with a sigh. "You could say that it needed to be updated since the last time I wrote anything, you weren't even part of this group."

"I see," the golem replied soberly. "I would much prefer crushing someone's head to writing in a book, but to each his own."

I chuckled at the golem's resolve. From that moment that Shale was activated in Honnleath, our party dynamics have changed. The golem was quite witty for being frozen in the center of a provincial town for so long. Shale is quite a warrior as well, and always seems to want to be right in the middle of the fight. The quirk that the golem has is some very severe bird issues. It stems from standing motionless in the Honnleath's square for so long. The birds did not see the frozen Shale as a living thing, but a statue – something to perch on, sleep on… and even defecate on. That is not something that will be easily forgotten.

"I know you would, but it is too dark to keep traveling tonight," I replied, shutting the journal. "We are only a day's trip from Orzammar… which most likely means only a day's trip from a haven of darkspawn."

"That and no birds," Shale replied in the happiest tone the golem could muster. At least I knew one party member was looking forward to the underground confines of the dwarven land. "It will be a glorious day indeed."

Laughing anew, I packed my writing implements in my small satchel. Since tomorrow's journey was going to be primarily walking up the treacherous trails of the Northern Frostback Mountains, we set up camp earlier tonight. I wanted to make sure the party was fully rested and refreshed before the uphill journey. Yet Shale did not sleep, so the wait seemed pointless. I knew my other companions appreciated the rest, however.

"It seems like someone is not following their own order. I think, however, that I could be bribed into keeping your secret safe."

Both Shale and I turned our attention to Alistair as he came and sat next to me in front of the fire. I had delegated that the party set up their tents and get to bed earlier so we could employ a quick pace up the mountain trail at first light. Shale was on watch tonight, so I could not use that excuse. I just had too much on my mind to rest. I knew that I could say the same thing about my fellow Warden.

I swatted away his hand playfully as he went to grasp it. We both laughed forgetting about our stone companion and just enjoyed each other's company. Some of our best moments were the quiet ones… things that didn't seem all that action-filled or interesting, but held so much emotion and affection. I stared into his eyes and silently vowed that I would not give him up. It would kill me to do so.

"I find it very odd."

I was about to respond to Shale's comment, but turned to find that the golem's attention was on Alistair. He looked up and stuttered slightly. That designation usually was regarded to me and me alone.

"_It _meaning me? Am I an "it" now, too?" Alistair asked, in a tone that I could not place as sincere or playful. Shale made no response, thus we took that to be an affirmation. "I feel honored."

We both chuckled, and his hand finally did find its way to be entwined with mine. I knew that he was not big on public displays of affection. To tell the truth, neither was I. I always saw public fawning as artificial and just a bunch of feigning. It was as if the couple was just trying to grab people's attention. Yet with Alistair, things were different. It was heartfelt and done in moderation thus quite enjoyable.

"For one who professes to be a warrior, I find it remarkably weak-willed and indecisive," Shale remarked, which tainted our joviality slightly.

The golem's witty remarks were always dry and biting, but also held a kernel of truth. It was blunt, but wasn't truly far from the reality of Alistair's persona. No one had ever vocalized that to him before besides Morrigan and I would hate to have another relationship headed in that direction. However, it seemed that Alistair was in such a gleeful mood that it just rolled off his shoulder.

"Er… thank you?" he responded with a small chuckle.

"It also likes to hide its many weaknesses behind a veil of jocularity," Shale continued, causing me to laugh. _So true… maybe I should have Shale talk to Morrigan some time. Now, that could be quite interesting._

"For a statue, you know a lot of big words," Alistair said in faux wonderment.

He turned to me as if in conclusion of his discussion with the golem, but it seemed like Shale was not finished. To tell the truth, I was glad, for I was enjoying myself to much for their banter to end.

"Is there a reason it enjoys following others so much? Especially when it is in a position to lead?"

_Okay… maybe they should stop talking._ The whole party knew of Eamon's aspirations to have Alistair become the king. There were a whole array of responses, but the similar foundation was that Alistair did not seem to want to lead or be ready. He has many of the characteristics of a leader, but not the overt self-confidence that is needed in an effective ruler. Everyone saw it, even Eamon… but Alistair was of Therin blood. That was all that mattered to the man.

"Have you ever been responsible for someone else's life?" Alistair asked the golem earnestly. I was quite surprised that he actually answered. I was all for avoiding the subject altogether. "Or a lot of other lives? Or an entire nation?"

"Of course not," Shale answered, prompting Alistair to scoff lightheartedly.

"Then… shut… up," Alistair stated, emphasizing every word convincingly.

Both Shale and I were surprised by his forcefulness. I kept my gaze unsteady, flicking between the two. It was hard to tell the golem's expression, but Alistair's was written plainly on his face. Leading Ferelden seemed to be his worst nightmare. I didn't blame him in the least, as I had an idea of what leadership meant from this venture. Having to rule over the whole nation would be too much pressure for me.

"I will remember this moment when the birds come," Shale grumbled, turning and walking back to the watch position on the edge of the campsite.

"Well, _that _was interesting," Alistair commented softly, pulling me closer to him.

"That's one word for it," I murmured.

I did not want to start a serious conversation about leadership with him at the moment. I knew that Eamon's aspirations for him would have to be discussed, but I was happy to keep that conversation simmering for as long as possible. I turned my full attention back to my sitting companion. His expression was muddled – a combination of both anticipation and… _fear_? I looked at him curiously and he quickly sprung from his seat.

"Alistair?" I asked pensively, watching the man fidget restlessly. "Something wrong?"

He opened his mouth as if to speak, but the words seemed to die in his throat. He looked back toward his tent in what looked like frustration. After a few moments of forced silence, he groaned and headed back to his canvas lodging. I grabbed my satchel and rose from my seat as well, ready to follow the blond to discern what was troubling him. Yet before I could begin my trek, he stopped, murmured something to himself, and turned back around.

"All right, I guess I really don't know how to ask you this," he mused as he made his way back to me, standing only a foot away.

"Is this very important?" I asked. I didn't want to put the man off, but I needed time to wrap my head around his kingly future. I didn't want to look at him any differently, but it was becoming harder and harder as our fates were becoming more and more defined.

"Errr… no, I suppose not," he whispered hesitantly. There was a glimmer of strength in his tone that only heightened as he continued. "I just thought… we're together at the camp? Maybe we could… talk?"

I surveyed the man for a few moments before responding. Over the course of the past few weeks, our conversations had become increasingly more comfortable. We shared many stories of our past and learned each other's dispositions impeccably. It helped not only in our more intimate moments, but also on the field of battle. We were more in sync and could seemingly predict the other's movements. The Alistair standing in front of me now was quite opposing in temperament. He looked nervous – totally unsure of himself. While that was not outright uncommon with the former templar, our personal relationship had gotten past that emotion… _or so I thought_.

"Are you sweating?" I asked with a chuckle, reaching my hand out to wipe at his brow.

"No!" he exclaimed hastily, knocking my hand away before it could reach its destination. I returned it to my side and looked at him knowingly. He grimaced as he knew that he had been found out. "I mean, yes. I mean… I'm a little nervous, sure. Not that this is anything bad or frightening or… well, _yes_."

He turned around, but did not make any move toward escape. He brought his arm up and wiped his brow himself. I shook my head and tried to process what could be happening in his mind. He seemed so out of sorts.

"Oh, how do I say this?" he murmured, seemingly more to himself than me.

He turned around once more and I saw that his expression had strengthened slightly. I smiled trying to ease his worry, reaching out and grasping his hand in mine. He chuckled under his breath as he looked down at our entwined fingers.

"You'd think it would be easier…" he started with a whisper. He refocused his gaze on my own and I saw a ghost of smile reach his lips. "But every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I – I can't think straight."

"Oh? Thanks a lot," I muttered in a light mocking tone. It seemed that he didn't see my humor as his expression quickly returned to his previous nervousness.

"I don't mean it like that!" he stated, letting go of my hand. Now free, he used both hands to grasp either side of my waist lightly. He stared into my eyes and tried to regain the intensity that he once had. It was as if I was his beacon of strength and he was holding on to keep going. I reached up and wrapped my arms loosely around his neck… _that definitely helped._ A smile beamed down at me and he happily continued. "I mean, I… "

"Am I interrupting?"

Both Alistair and I groaned inwardly, hesitantly breaking apart. I turned my attention to the newcomer – the ever-smiling Leliana. I heard Alistair swear lightly under his breath, before he took my hand in his once more. I looked back up at him and saw the frustration in his irises.

"We'll talk more later," he whispered curtly. He squeezed my hand in a tender gesture before heading off to his tent.

"But…" I started, yet he continued walking, waving me off with a flick of his hand.

"Men are quite infuriating, aren't they?" Leliana imparted, chuckling timidly.

"Not just men at the moment," I stated in a perturbed tone as I watched Alistair enter his tent and leave my sight. I sighed and turned to fully acknowledge the Chantry sister. She did not seem fazed by the frustration she caused. "Was there something you needed?"

"Not exactly," she muttered, her smile slightly falling at my tone. "I just… couldn't sleep. I thought that you said…"

"That we all should turn in early… I know," I stated, still with a biting tenor of annoyance. My mind was stuck with my hesitant paramour. I was seconds away from forgetting all about Leliana and seeking him out.

"That wasn't what I was implying," she said, smiling once more. "I asked if I was interrupting."

"Wasn't that fact quite obvious?" I asked rhetorically, taking my vacated seat in front of the fire once more.

I threw my satchel down in aggravation… inches away from being consumed by the flames. Not like that mattered… I was still lost in nervousness over Alistair and his need for dialogue. This wasn't normal _what was your brother like_ conversation… this was perspiration-inducing. _I hope I didn't do anything wrong. I have been keeping clear of all things Antivan… I've been quick to come to his defense in any disagreement with Morrigan. What could it be?_

"You have such lovely hair," Leliana remarked, breaking me from my thoughts. She sat down next to me and reached out to play with a loose tendril. I looked at her perplexed by the change in topic. She had spoken of my hair once before and I humored her conversation about Orlesian fashion. Now, it seemed too off-topic even for her. "I'm sure _he_ would agree."

"Who? _Alistair_?" I croaked out. I reached up and twirled an auburn lock around my finger, forgetting much of the resentment I was feeling toward my companion. "No, he's much too… I mean I'm just…"

She smiled at me as I was lost in my vain thoughts. Even though our travels were filled with more bloodshed and destruction than I would have liked, times like this made me still feel some semblance of normal. Maybe that was why I valued my friendship with Leliana so much… even though she could irritate me to no end. She also brought out a more feminine side of me. I was after all a nineteen year old noble woman from Highever at heart. All of the aspects that went with that identity did not die when the tainted blood hit my veins.

"Do you think it looks better down?" I asked genuinely, reaching up to pull the two hair ties out of my locks. I tousled my shoulder-length hair and looked at her for appraisal. She reached out and brushed one side behind my ear.

"Much better," she replied with a smile. "It may not be practical for battle, but in more _intimate_ moments…"

She trailed off with a salacious look. I rolled my eyes at her, turning my gaze to the fire. She and Zevran could be complements of each other if they truly looked deep enough. They seemed to be cut from the same mold at times.

"Alistair and I had quite an interesting conversation the other day," she mused wistfully. I waited for her to continue, but no words were spoken.

"Are you going to divulge any details or will I be left in fits of curiosity?" I asked sardonically.

"If you keep with that tone, it shall be the latter," she stated sincerely. After a few moments of contemplative silence, she continued. "He came to me for advice."

"About?" I asked, as her statement had piqued genuine curiosity in me.

"A woman who he values as _special_… wonder who _that_ could be?" she teased lightheartedly. My gaze hastily returned to her as I silently asked her for more information. "He truly is quite charming, isn't he?"

She rose from her seat and slowly strode in the direction of her tent. I rose up and followed her. It wasn't like Leliana to be all mysterious and enigmatic. That was Morrigan's nature.

"What do you mean? What did he say?" I asked. She startled me by stopping and turning to spare me a glance over her shoulder.

"Why don't you go ask him yourself?" she asked with an all-too-knowing smile. She gestured her head toward Alistair's tent before continuing on her way.

_Okay… this night is just too peculiar for words. First Alistair, then Leliana… what is going on with my team?_ I considered my options, but my heart seemed to make the decision for me. In no time at all, I was standing outside the flaps of Alistair's tent. I brought my hand out to knock, but realized that canvas would make no noise. Shaking my head in embarrassment, I kneeled down on the cold soil.

"Alistair? Are you awake?" I whispered.

I heard no movement… no sound. Frowning, I motioned to stand, but my wrist was quickly caught in a warm grip. I smiled as he poked his head out from the canvas. His expression seemed to change slightly, but I couldn't place it. He loosened his grasp and pushed open the canvas flaps, biding me to enter. One final deep breath was inhaled before I crawled into his lodging.

"You and Leliana have a nice chat?" he asked softly.

"Please, tell me you weren't listening?" I asked in response, reaching up to lightly play with my now loose tresses. The action seemed to have an effect on him and I smiled – _Leliana was right about something at least_.

"No, I was just…" he started. He collected his thoughts before shimmying over to sit right in front of me, our knees bumping slightly in their closeness. "Can we start over… the conversation from before, I mean?"

"The head-exploding stuff?" I asked teasingly. He laughed, reaching out once more to take my hand in his, as if he was trying his best to recapture our previous moment that was spoiled.

"Yes, exactly," he muttered sarcastically, a grin forming on his lips.

He reached out with his free hand brushed my hair away from my face. Instead of letting it fall, he let his fingers lightly entwine with the strands. I knew then that I was never going to wear my hair up in camp again.

"Here's the thing…" he began, seriousness taking over the main tenor in his voice. "Being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever."

"Really?" I asked timidly.

Hearing the words come from his mouth shocked me… I mean, sure I had hoped that he felt that way towards me, but sometimes it was hard to gauge. He must have noticed my heartfelt yet surprised expression because he scooted closer to me, our lips only a few inches apart.

"Yes, Tess – _really_," he responded tenderly.

I pressed my forehead to his and smiled. I didn't realize how much I was shaken by the idea of Alistair being king… of he and I having to separate. A weight seemed to be lifted from me. I opened my mouth to speak, but was halted when he untangled his hand from my hair and pressed his fingers to my lips.

"Please… I need to get this out now or…" he drifted off, but I nodded my head in consent anyway. He sighed deeply, shutting his eyes as he got his wits about him. He pulled away from me slightly, returning his hand to its original position in my hair. "I don't know how to say this another way. I want to spend the night with you… here, tonight."

_And the night takes another interesting yet strange turn. _I tried to hide much of my shock, but knew that he noticed. He pushed back even further from me, letting both of his hands return to his sides.

"Maybe, this is too fast," he imparted quickly, as if he was trying to back step from what he said. "I don't know, but… I know what I feel."

I was happy that he hadn't fully recanted his statement, but still was unnerved. This was far from how I imagined what my first time being truly intimate with Alistair would entail. There was little warmth besides the small flickering flame of his lantern and our own body heat. There was absolutely no sense of comfort with our only padding from the cold, frozen earth being a small wool blanket. And privacy – or maybe I should just say _the lack there of_…

"This is a little sudden, Alistair…" I said hesitantly.

"I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place… but when will it be perfect?" he asked before I could continue on with my own statement. It was as if he read my own thoughts on the matter… probably because he thought the same thing. "If things were, we wouldn't have even met. We sort of… stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else."

His heartwarming tone eased some of my reservations about his proposition. I knew what I felt for him… I knew that he was the person that I wanted to give my _innocence _to yet I was still unsure if this was how it should be. We had become accustomed to this harsh camping lifestyle, but we were talking about something truly different. This was a matter of the heart… a moment that I would remember to the end of my days (however soon that may be).

"I really don't want to wait anymore," he said softly, grasping both of my hands in his. I felt the warmth flow through my body and smiled. I knew how he was feeling, but I was still nervous. "I've… I've never done this before. You know that."

"We both have the same amount of experience in this type of endeavor," I mused.

He nodded and smiled, letting one hand go to cup my face. The rough yet warm skin felt like paradise on my skin. I rubbed my cheek further into his caress, bringing a smile to both of our faces. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. Even when it ended, our lips were pressed close together, as if we were breathing each other in.

"I want it to be with you…" he whispered, his lips brushing mine with every syllable uttered. "While we have the chance, in case…"

I did not want to hear any more of his pained declaration thus I pressed my lips to his once more. I fell into him, trying to fully wipe those negative, morbid thoughts from his mind. Despite the coldness all around us, there was a fire growing inside me that I could not ignore, especially when he reciprocated the passionate fervor. His hand moved from my cheek back to my hair, pulling me further to him. My knees were on either side of his form as I was jerked on top of him haphazardly. The slight sting from my hair being tugged was drowned out by the heat drawn from our lips. But when we pulled away moments later, I still saw the doubt in his eyes.

"Don't talk like that," I murmured between pants for breath, cupping his face in both of my hands."There will always be time later."

"Will there?" he countered defensively, reaching up to pull my hands away. "You don't know that. _I_ don't know that."

"_True_, but…" I broke off.

I couldn't set his mind at ease this time. No matter how much I wanted to believe that there would be another time, he was right – would there? We were experiencing a Blight… we were the only two Grey Wardens in Ferelden. It was all up to us, but that didn't mean that our fates were fully determined. Something could happen at any moment, right now even. Did I really want to perish without experiencing ultimate bliss… without being able to say I ever laid with the love of my life?

"I'd like to be able to say that I threw caution to the wind at least once," he whispered with a small smile.

I nodded my head and pulled him to me in a gentle embrace. I didn't know what to do – I was being pulled in two directions: my head and my heart. My mind was telling me to think about this further. Sure, I was not the most experienced in sexual relations (not at all, really), but I knew that it wasn't something to jump into lightly. I was not of the same temperament as Zevran and never would be. This step in a relationship – in my life, for that matter – was a monumental one. I was not sure what the aftermath would be. I was not sure if I really was ready. Yet my heart was telling me to follow Alistair's lead for once. He took the initiative in this matter which was a surprise in itself. He may not have been sure of himself, but he was sure of this.

"Okay," I said, nodding. "But… how…"

We both chuckled at our shared nervousness. I always thought that instinct would kick in at this moment; that things would just seem so natural and there would be no hesitation. That was not the case. The next few moments were spent in awkward silence and with slight rearranging of bodies. It ended with two blushing Grey Wardens toppled in a pile of limbs, still fully clothed.

"Are you comfortable?" Alistair asked softly, as he shifted much of his weight off of me.

To tell the truth, it was anything but comfortable. The cold ground was unyielding and the little bit of pressure he was placing on me was enough to bruise. But looking in his eyes, I knew that I could not stop now, no matter how much discomfort I might've been feeling.

"Uh-huh," I whispered bashfully, still unsure of myself and my abilities in this aspect of romance.

He leaned down and captured my lips in a tense kiss. Nothing was feeling right. Even when he traced the curves my form through the light fabric of my tunic, I felt uneasy. _Why was this not becoming more romantic… more magical? Isn't that what this was supposed to feel like?_ Things only became more awkward as our clothes were removed. Skin on skin contact was welcomed because of the chill in the air, but for two inexperienced virgins, it just made all the pre-copulation jitters surface.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Alistair whispered in my ear, as he placed a kiss to my forehead. "We are coming to the point of no return."

"Are you?" I asked sincerely, finding his gaze once again.

"I'm not sure about anything… _except_ what I feel for you."

No more words were needed after that earnest declaration. We let our bodies do the talking. Things were not as I had dreamed about. Tales that I heard from servants at the castle of pure ecstasy were utter fiction. At least… that was what I thought at first.

Nothing felt right. There was a stabbing pain that made me cry out in agony. Alistair was intent on ending our liaison right there and then, but I persuaded him into giving me some time to adjust. After a few moments, I bade him wordlessly to continue. The pain lessened, but was not completely gone. Every thrust from my lover sent me into a slight grimace of discomfort. I could tell that that was not true for my companion. His face was etched with pleasure and I was happy that at least one of us was enjoying the moment.

Our first copulation did not last long, but it was enough to leave me lost in thought. _Was that truly what it was like? Why would anyone want to go through that torture? _I laid in Alistair's gentle embrace and tried to wrap my mind around everything. My back hurt, my insides felt torn and throbbed… and I felt cheated. Alistair said nothing, just gently stoked my hair in contentment. _Well, that makes one of us…_

Our night was not over, however. It seemed that my shy, demure templar knew more than he let on. After a time had passed to wind down, he rolled over and back on top of my form. I looked at him questioningly, but he just captured my lips in a kiss to silence me. I was too confused to argue, but when I felt a hardness pressing against my still sore flesh, I started to protest.

"Ali… I don't think that this is a good idea," I stated, trying my best to push him off of me.

"Do you trust me?" he asked sincerely.

"With my life," I responded immediately, meaning it with all my heart.

"Well then, just relax," he replied, with only a hint of nervousness peaking through.

The pain had not truly vanished, but this time, it seemed to add to the experience. Pain and pleasure merging together to form some unique feeling… something I had never felt before. Alistair smiled at the pleasure that was radiating through my irises. He kissed me deeply as he continued his now quite pleasure filled ministrations. I grasped him tightly to me, conveying my thanks for helping me experience what I had always dreamed of.

My whole body seemed to clench, a molten heat from inside me gave way to absolute bliss. I let my scream die in Alistair's mouth. He rode out my spasms to his own completion, a sated look forming on his features that was quite a sight to see. He fell next to me, pulling my sweat-covered body to his. It still was not the magical moment I had thought it would be, but it was not like my life was some fairytale. And through the pain and pleasure, I knew that I had found the man whom I would spend the rest of my days with… or die trying. I also knew that all of this would only get better in time. This was only the start – _practice makes perfect, right_?

"You know, according to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now," he whispered into my hair, placing a few chaste kisses there for good measure.

"That so?" I asked with a chuckle, pulling the light blanket over both of our lying forms. I looked up at him as he continued to grin.

"Yep. Lightning first, then the end of civilization as we know it," he stated cheekily. He leaned down, brushing our noses together. "I'm a bad, bad man."

"Oh, I don't know about that," I replied with a smile. "I think you are quite wonderful, actually."

"You do realize the rest of our little party here is going to talk, right?" he said, glossing over my comment and the pink that colored his cheeks. _Some things will never change, thank the Maker._ "They do that."

"Why? Are you going to tell them?" I asked chuckling.

"I won't have to. Morrigan will give me '_that look_,' I just know it," he mused with a grin. I elbowed him lightly in the chest. He just laughed and held me closer to his form. "You should really kick her ass for me. I'd pay to watch that fight."

"You really think I could?" I asked.

"Tess, you could probably kick _my_ ass if you tried," he answered. "Not saying that you _should _or anything... but Morrigan, on the other hand, has it coming."

"I'll keep that in mind," I replied, shifting in his embrace to try and soothe my aching back. _Tomorrow's trek up the mountain is not going to be a fun one that's for sure… but it was worth it._

We laid in peaceful silence for some time. I would have thought he was asleep if not for the light circles he was tracing on my stomach. I was quite cold, with only the light fabric of a blanket covering me. I dare not move, though. I did not want to lose the content feeling that had settled over me. A dull throb was still present, but it did little to dampen my feelings.

"So…what now? Where do we go from here?"

I stiffened slightly at Alistair's spontaneous query. I thought that we had already decided where our future was heading – _us together_. That was all that mattered to me at the moment, and I thought he felt the same. I did not want to call him on anything, not tonight… not after all we had just shared.

"We have a darkspawn horde to defeat," I replied coyly, hoping he would not press me for anything more.

"You're so practical. You make me proud," he responded in a humorous tone. "All right… I get the hint. We have a lot to do, right. No sense making plans that… well_, that_ may not come to be."

"I am all for making plans, but… I just don't think this is the best time, you know – Blight and all," I replied, turning to get better access to his eyes. He nodded and placed a kiss to my lips.

"Well, is this a good time to…" He broke off, but quickly found some resolve. " – to tell you that I love you?"

My features brightened immensely as I stared into his irises, both reflecting love and devotion. This was truly divine… this feeling. All of the physical aspects of our relationship that we had just experienced paled in comparison to those three little words coming from his lips. Maybe it was the romantic in me, but that was all I needed to be content.

"I love you too, Alistair," I responded compassionately, reaching up to run my fingers through the ruffled spikes of his hair. "With all my heart."

I let my head fall to his chest and burrowed deeper into his warmth. He tightened his grip slightly and let his head fall to the ground behind him. I felt his eyes on me for quite some time before I succumbed to sleep. It was comforting and I never felt safer. Through all of the mishaps of the night, something beautiful was born – a truly divine and loving relationship that I would die to protect. _Archdemon, you have been warned._


End file.
